Disco Mall


Forever 21, Disco balls

I was in Valley River Center today waiting for the next showing of Hugo to start when I realized it’s the busiest shopping day of the year. It was quite a blissful experience to drift through the crowds of Black Friday shoppers without the intention of buying anything. I was some sort of superhero or god, exempt from the toils of the common man. My eyes could turn away from the “30% OFF” signs and focus on art……




…or something like it.

I scanned the faces in the crowd, wondering if anyone else knew that a giant string of elf puke seemed to be hanging over our heads. Was there any level of awareness that a tacky disco ball was dangling by a thin polyester thread, just waiting to fall and crush the Hickory Farms booth?

All I saw were blank stares, which made me even more nervous and desperate. Was there any good art to be found? Surely Macy’s would have something spectacular.


Macy’s, Crab-infested tree

Alas, no.


While I was taking a picture of this abstract decoration that seems to be re-enforcing America’s obsession with weight loss (it’s never too early to start selling post-holiday resolution jeans), the attendant at the jewelry counter broke the general zombie vibe and talked to me.

“Do you like that?” she asked, staring up at the decoration as though she’d never seen it before.

“No,” I said. “Do you know of any other awful decorations around here?”

“Well, there’s Forever 21,” she said, giving a look to another sales associate, who nodded solemnly. “There’s always one mannequin doing something totally nast.”


Forever 21, hoochie mannequin

….And that’s an experience you can get year-round.

Anyway, I’m calling for change. Big, consequential, capitalized Change of the Obama (of 2008) variety. Join this Facebook group I just passionately created called TEAR DOWN TACKY MALL DECORATIONS and viva la revolucion!

P.S. Next time you’re at the mall, spit on some fake flowers and also go see Hugo. It’s really pretty great.


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