The Ceiling Reform Act

Urban Outfitters, Headboard and chandeliers*

I’ve just realized something, and it’s scary. If the average person looks at the ceiling- I mean really analyzes the ceiling- once at night and once after waking up, then what might be floating up there the rest of the time?

I remember reading a book of kids’ pranks when I was younger, and one involved shimmying up a doorway to hide from grown-ups. Apparently we’re not so observant even when we’re at risk of being flattened by a giggling hooligan.

If it took an archaeologist’s 12-year-old daughter to find the famous bison ceiling paintings at Altamira, we must be missing some real treasures.

But here’s an even bigger question: why is it that the ceilings we most frequently observe are also the most dreadful? My bedroom ceiling is covered in ugly grey panels with tiny holes poked in them.

That’s why I’m calling on you, dear Americans, to stand up for what’s right with my new Ceiling Reform Act. Just think for a moment of the incredible power a ceiling might have if we used it right.

If my bedroom ceiling were a giant mirror, would I slip through the looking glass each night in my dreams? If the boring blank space hanging above my head were a gorgeous baroque ceiling fresco, would I rise each morning with a new spring in my step? Perhaps our current national depression is one sparkly chandelier away from being alleviated!

Contact me if you’d like to donate to my noble cause. We can fix this problem one ceiling at a time. Starting with mine.

(*NOTE: Actual art coming later today. Sorry about this horrible drought full of commercial products)


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